me: “Yup.”

mailbox:

me:

mailbox: “So… waiting for something?”

me: “Nope.”

mailbox: “Cause all I got is KFC coupons and an order form for checks with Looney Tunes characters on them.”

me: “You got a snort of cognac, or maybe a nice Cuban cigar in there?”

mailbox: “Nope, just the KFC.”

me: “Then I’ll see you back here in six months, bucko.”

Scanning the cable listings I came upon a show titled “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”.

Seriously?

Also: internet was down, but it’s back for now – evolution’s seventh birthday was one week ago today.

So a bunch of young, smart, technologically capable Iranians are protesting¹ a crooked election that re-installed the mullahs’ golden boy once again. While that’s a healthy response and all, wake me up when something new happens. You people realize that the other guy, Mousavi, doesn’t even get to the position he’s in unless he passes the mullahs’ muster at some point, right?

There is also no reason on Earth to believe that any government that the people of Iran would be materially different save for the corruption, especially vis-a-vis the United States.

So, count me among the people that aren’t getting too worked up over something that will ultimately amount to nothing.

1. 1979 called, and wants its story back.

Would a KBI agent tow their trailer house over the state line, please?

• Elizabeth Hurley (Bedazzled¹, the Austin Powers movies). Hugh Grant is a retard. I went to Google Images to look for a picture for you people, and twenty minutes later I forgot what I was supposed to be doing.
• Eva Green (Casino Royale). Just saw it on USA this weekend in high-definition. The scene where she struts into the game room while Daniel Craig’s Bond is playing cards to tell him what a bastard he is would have been worth the ticket price by itself. But then no one saw me sobbing myself to sleep, so that’s a plus.
• Drew Barrymore. Probably a popular one with guys my age. I’m talking about the girl-next-door, Never Been Kissed Drew Barrymore, not the David-Letterman-flashing, Tom-Green-marrying Drew Barrymore. I think I could be persuaded to suppress those memories, however.
• Bar Rafaeli (cover of 2009 Sports Illustrated “swimsuit issue”). I shouldn’t have to explain this entry (if you are also a heterosexual man). Just go look.
• (Of course) Elin Grindemyr. Has made previous appearances in this space.

Yeah, I need the hits. Sue me.

1. never seen it

BALTIMORE – At one of the nation’s top trauma hospitals, a nurse circles a patient’s bed, humming and waving her arms as if shooing evil spirits. Another woman rubs a quartz bowl with a wand, making tunes that mix with the beeping monitors and hissing respirator keeping the man alive.

They are doing Reiki therapy, which claims to heal through invisible energy fields. The anesthesia chief, Dr. Richard Dutton, calls it “mystical mumbo jumbo.” Still, he’s a fan.

“It’s self-hypnosis” that can help patients relax, he said. “If you tell yourself you have less pain, you actually do have less pain.”

Alternative medicine has become mainstream. It is finding wider acceptance by doctors, insurers and hospitals like the shock trauma center at the University of Maryland Medical Center. Consumer spending on it in some cases rivals that of traditional health care.

O what a time to be alive…

Let me tell you – I’ve never been so glad to have the sound turned off in all my life.