So, against better judgement, I thought I should explain to what’s left of you what has gripped me over the past few months, and why I’ve been posting crap¹ about things like my loud (ex-)neighbor, stupid celebrity tricks — which you and I both know I hate celebrity news with a passion — and my silly little poems. I suppose all that is my attempt to “write my way out of it”, and it is in that spirit that I write this post.

I always told my meatspace friends who read this blog that if it ever got to the point where I started hating broad classes of people based on politics that I’d stop writing about politics. I have to admit that I’m almost there. I wanted to see something come out of this medium that moved this country forward, and for a long time I thought that was possible. Now — I don’t know.

Let’s start with the people I despise — the group I and others affectionately call the Nutroots®, the “progressive” left — as represented by the Kossacks, the Digbys, the Billmons, the Atrioses and their fanatic followers. I used to want to get along with these people — after all, we have to live in the same country. But I have read their thoughts and the thoughts of their subhuman commenters, co-diarists, co-bloggers, and other detritus for most of five years, and mostly now I want to see them poor, discredited, and forgotten. I used to want to convince them, one at a time, of another point of view, or at least one in which I wasn’t portrayed as a gun-humping, racist, uterus-controlling chickenhawk, but I have come to believe that such a union is not possible.

I thought, “Do I even want to be on the same side of anything as these people?” The answer was a resounding No. That is the tack they take, and that is the tack I am taking.

Let’s move on to my friends the conventional liberals, which comprise most of my readership and are by now wincing in pain. Let’s face facts here: Most of you are Democrats. Maybe not all, but some of you are. The Democratic Party is (besides the other role it’s about to take on) the primary vehicle for liberal politics; to be honest, I don’t have a problem with that and I never have. You say you’re not these people (and you’re right), and that most are not like them. Really? Whose asses are the Democratic candidates for office lining up to kiss?

Let’s now turn to my closest brethren, the socially lassiez-faire, minimalist-government, economic conservatives. Can we learn some organizational skills? Please? The Republican Party, even for those of us like me who aren’t Republicans, is still the primary vehicle for conservative politics in this country, just as the Democrats are for liberals. In a sense, the same sort of ass-kissing took place in our sphere, except we were the ones puckering up. Let’s stop supporting the Sam Brownbacks of the world when they mouth our platitudes. They haven’t done a thing for us. Maybe they would if they stopped taking us for granted.

Finally, I have some V.S.O.P. bile for the social conservatives: Thanks — for nothing. I voted for you because, frankly, I thought the alternative was worse. Looking back on it, as I have done several times in the last couple of years, I don’t see how it could have been. You have, through your monumental incompetence, narrow-minded focus on social mores, and pursuing your own self-aggrandizement, essentially destroyed any chance that things I believe in will receive any sort of a fair hearing for a generation, maybe more. I only hope that you will somehow pay a greater price for it than I will.

Thus endeth the rant. Maybe having written it and letting the stink hang in the air for a while will get it out of my system. I really don’t like being this way — but to tell the truth, I’ve felt this way for a while now. Maybe I’ll feel better in a while.

But don’t count on it.

Your Score: Spiteful Loner

You are 71% Rational, 0% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 14% Arrogant.

You are the Spiteful Loner, the personality type that is most likely to go on a shooting rampage. In high school, you were probably that kid who wore all black and who sat alone in a corner of the lunch room, drawing pictures of dead babies. You are a rational person and tend to hold emotions in very low-esteem; not only that, but you are also rather introverted, meaning you probably bury any emotions you feel deep inside yourself, like all of the bodies in your backyard. Combine these traits with your dislike of others and your brutality, and it seems that you would be quite likely to shoot innocent people in a rampage. Most likely, you also have low self-esteem. Hell, I get low self-esteem just looking at you. This is only yet one more incentive to go on a shooting rampage, because you wouldn’t care if you died as a result. Granted, you probably haven’t gone on a shooting rampage and probably never will, but all the motivations are there. All you need is for someone to push you over the edge, calling you names and belittling you. Like me. But don’t shoot me. I have a 101 mile-long knife, you know. In conclusion, your personality is defective because you are too introverted, brutal, insecure, and rather unemotional. No wonder no one hangs around you, you morbid, cold-hearted freak!

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Televangelist.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath.

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If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

About Saint_Gasoline

I am a self-proclaimed pseudo-intellectual who loves dashes. I enjoy science, philosophy, and fart jokes and water balloons, not necessarily in that order. I spend 95% of my time online, and the other 5% of my time in the bathroom, longing to get back on the computer. If, God forbid, you somehow find me amusing instead of crass and annoying, be sure to check out my blog and my webcomic at SaintGasoline.com.