evolution

• u. of minnesota-twin cities – st. paul, mn: they have a solid program in my view, an option for a minor which is nice, and the housing should be affordable and nice.
• u. of wisconsin-madison – madison, wi: again, a fine program, with distinguished faculty in my area, and affordable housing in a nice town.
• u. of michigan – ann arbor, mi: one of the best programs in the country in a town roughly the size of lawrence, with similar housing costs.
• cornell – ithaca, ny: a great opportunity in a nice town about twice the size of lawrence. housing may be high, though.
  yale – new haven, ct: a unique opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime shot. housing is expensive here, but if i got accepted with an assistantship i would find a way to make it work.
• ohio state – columbus, oh: a decent program in a nice town – they have a nice campus from what i can tell.
• purdue – west lafayette, in: they have a pretty good program and the city’s housing rates aren’t so bad.
• washington u. – st. louis, mo: this would also be a unique opportunity. it’s in the nice, well-kept part of st. louis so my personal safety is not an issue. housing might be a touch high, though.

i have much to do in the coming months to bring all of this about. you can be sure that i will share with you all the outcome.

saw things…clearer…
once you…look in my…
rearviewmirror
- pearl jam/”rvm”

i remember…seven years ago. a boy and a girl meet. the girl knows not what she needs; the boy knows not what he sees. the girl is spreading her wings; the boy is squinting in the light after being kept in the dark all this time…

…they give it a shot. it was ill-fated, as they tend to be at these times. she flies high, she says “i’ve met the love of my life”. the boy drinks himself into a hole – the past was a brick and he was drowning slowly – it was all just too much to bear…

…but even “the love of my life” is not a sure thing. the girl is free once again, and the boy could care less. the boy has reduced himself to a mindless husk at this point. he robotically lives his days – work the week, drink the weekends – lather, rinse, repeat – hoping other people are there to save him. a baby with a different kind of bottle…

…and this time the girl says it’s for real – everyone has one true love, and this is it. she feels as though she’s found a home. the boy stumbles on, not really finding much in life to inspire him. he wonders if he’s doomed to the same nine-to-five nickel-and-dime slow death as millions of others…

…and like a bolt of lightning, the boy is hit with a revelation – “you will seek the knowledge of the ancients”. the boy is sufficiently inspired, and immediately begins his sojourn. and even “one true loves” are not sure things – the girl falls into her own black hole, slowly drifting away…

…and right there, floating in space, their paths cross once again. a tad older, not much wiser. they say to each other, “can this be?” maybe, they each think to themselves. they float on together to see what tomorrow brings…

…but not even fate is a sure thing. the boy and the girl are separated by miles in distance and light-years (i guess now) at heart, and after the hard road each has travelled, they are floating apart again…

…is this the sure thing?

do you ever have one of those days when you feel so bad that you hope you get into a firey car accident on the way home just to put a stop to it? i did, today. i crashed hard. i do that from time to time – i’ll be fine all day long, and then, wham – i’ll be so depressed that i can’t imagine what it was like to care. i need to change my scenery by, oh, about a thousand miles. fortunately, in one year’s time, i will be able to do that. the bad outweighs the good for me here in kansas – the life, the people – everything.

i do not feel very inclined to communicate with other people at this time. i am in search of my own personal cave, where i can stay until i achieve my dream (which is pushing ever closer to a very real possibility). that vow of silence is starting to sound awfully good as well.

i just had a revelation while sitting on the exercise bike, watching the kansas city news – the girl who was taken from a pool in kansas city and subsequently killed by an as yet unknown assailant was, for a week or two, a student in one of my fall semester college algebra classes. i remember clearly meeting her in my office and handing her the permission slip. this may seem insignificant at first blush, but the horror hits harder when you have a name and a face to put with a nameless, faceless news story. her name was ali kemp, and she was buried today in leawood.

here is the story from the kansas city star.

again, in no particular order.

• northwestern – evanston, il
• minnesota-twin cities – st. paul, mn
• illinois – champaign, il
• wisconsin – madison, wi
• michigan – ann arbor, mi
• cornell – ithaca, ny
• yale – new haven, ct
• uc-berkeley – berkeley, ca
• ohio state – columbus, oh
• purdue – w. lafayette, in
• washington u. – st. louis, mo
• oregon state – corvallis, or

when i think about my life and the way it is now, i am reminded of an overly-titled poem i wrote called “burning the past to light the way to the future”, and i think that that sentiment has some merit.